The Great Pretender: How Teachers Stay Calm and Keep Going

Do you remember that once-popular song about that Monday-morning feeling—the kind that makes you feel as though you're losing your mind?

Well, that sentiment is shared by some of my colleagues and, I am sure, by teachers in classrooms across the globe.

On separate occasions, two teachers—one male and one female—told me that they begin to feel anxious when Sunday comes around.

At first, I really didn't understand what my female colleague meant. So I dug a little deeper.

With a strained look on her face, she said, “When I think about the comments I have to endure from my supervisor and the students, I start worrying before Monday even gets here.”

I asked her, “Comments like what?”

She explained that sometimes a simple attempt to correct a student's behavior could result in her being called every name imaginable.

A chill ran down my spine.

“How old are these kids?” I asked.

“Middle school,” she replied. “Grades six through eight.”

Out of curiosity, I asked the question that immediately came to mind.

“So what do you do?”

Her answer stayed with me.

“I pretend they aren't talking to me.”

“And if they do it again?”

“I pretend again. And I keep pretending until it stops.”

Suddenly, I understood.

She wasn't pretending because she was weak.

She was pretending because she had learned that every comment did not deserve a response.

Other teachers have shared similar experiences. Some say they have asked their year heads, department leaders, or supervisors for support, only to hear some version of:

“You're the professional. Deal with it.”

Those words can feel very lonely when you are standing in front of a classroom trying to teach, manage behavior, follow school policies, satisfy administrators, communicate with parents, and somehow remain calm through it all.

I Became a Great Actor

As for me?

I became a great actor.

I put on my imaginary robe the moment I step out of my car.

I can smile.

I can offer compliments.

I can redirect a student calmly.

And sometimes, I can ignore a comment that would otherwise make steam come out of my ears.

That doesn't mean I don't hear it.

It doesn't mean disrespect is acceptable.

It means I have learned that I don't have to give every situation my emotional energy.

At the end of some very difficult days, I sit back and quietly congratulate myself.

You did a good job today.

Because sometimes the victory is not that everything went perfectly.

Sometimes the victory is simply that you remained the adult in the room.

So what does this “great pretender” actually do?

1. Do the Groundwork Before Problems Begin

During the first few days of school, introduce yourself to the parents or caregivers of the students on your roster.

Let them know what you will be working on during the first unit. Tell them how they can support their child at home. Explain how they can contact you if they have questions.

This helps tremendously.

Students quickly realize that the adults in their lives and the adults in the classroom are communicating.

That alone can change the atmosphere.

2. Build a Relationship With Parents Before You Need One

Don't let the first conversation with a parent begin with:

“Your child is in trouble.”

Whenever possible, make contact early.

Use your school's approved email, phone system, messaging platform, or other communication method.

A simple message can make a difference:

“I'm looking forward to working with your child this year.”

Now you have opened the door.

Later, if there is a problem, you aren't contacting a complete stranger.

3. Don't Call Home Only When Something Goes Wrong

I love touching base with parents and letting them know how their children are doing.

Sometimes that means saying that a student needs to “up their game.”

But sometimes it means calling with good news.

“Your son did an excellent job today.”

“Your daughter helped another student.”

“I've noticed a real improvement in his work.”

Parents remember those calls.

Students remember them too.

By the time Parent-Teacher Night arrives, many parents already know exactly how their children are doing. Some of the parents who stop by are simply coming in to say hello.

Trust me.

Those phone calls work.

4. Be Careful With Praise Too

Yes, I said it.

Praise is important, but it should also be genuine.

Don't praise students simply because you are trying to control their behavior. Young people can usually tell when praise isn't sincere.

Notice something real.

Maybe the student who rarely finishes an assignment completed half of it today.

Maybe the student who usually argues accepted a correction without turning it into a battle.

Progress deserves to be noticed.

5. Be on Time

This sounds simple, but professionalism protects you.

Arriving on time, submitting what needs to be submitted, keeping records, and following procedures can save you from unnecessary problems.

You already have enough to manage inside the classroom.

Don't give anyone additional ammunition to use against you.

6. Prepare Your Lessons—and Always Have a Plan B

Take time to prepare.

Know what you want students to learn.

Know what students will actually be doing.

And always have a Plan B.

Technology fails.

Students finish early.

A lesson you thought would take thirty minutes sometimes takes ten.

Today, AI tools can also help teachers adapt lessons, create reading levels, develop graphic organizers, generate discussion questions, and provide additional support for multilingual learners.

Use the tools available to you—but bring your own professional judgment to the lesson.

Then, when an administrator unexpectedly walks through your classroom door, you don't have to panic.

Your students are working.

You know where the lesson is going.

And you can keep teaching.

7. Stop Trying to Perform for the Entire Class Period

You do not have to be the entertainer for forty-five minutes.

Students should be doing the thinking.

Let them research.

Let them debate.

Let them analyze.

Let them create.

Let them solve problems.

Let them explain their thinking.

A teacher who talks for the entire period will eventually become exhausted, and students will become bored.

Give students meaningful work—not busy work and allow yourself to guide rather than constantly perform.

8. Have Tools Ready for Different Learners

Not every student learns in the same way.

Keep resources available:

• graphic organizers

• computers or tablets when available

• printed worksheets

• sentence starters

• vocabulary supports

• visuals

• reading supports

• extension activities

Differentiation doesn't always require creating five entirely different lessons.

Sometimes it simply means giving students different ways to reach the same destination.

9. Protect Your Voice—and Your Peace

Don't make shouting your classroom-management strategy.

I once heard a student tell a teacher they sounded like someone's mother.

Maybe they were right.

But constantly raising your voice does something else: it gives away your power.

A calm voice can sometimes be much stronger than a loud one.

Not every remark deserves an argument.

Not every eye roll deserves a lecture.

Not every muttered comment deserves five minutes of your lesson.

Choose your battles.

Redirect.

Document what needs documenting.

Follow school procedures.

Then move on.

Your peace has value too.

10. See the Child Behind the Behavior

One mindset that has always helped me is to treat students with the same care I would want someone to give a child from my own household.

That doesn't mean allowing disrespect.

It doesn't mean lowering expectations.

In fact, it means the opposite.

If I care about you, I expect something from you.

I want you to learn.

I want you to grow.

I want you to leave my classroom stronger than when you entered it.

Students are, in many ways, examples of our academic work.

We pour knowledge, patience, correction, encouragement, structure, and countless hours into them.

That work has value.

Don't compromise its worth.

Sometimes Pretending Is Really Self-Control

Maybe “pretending” isn't even the right word.

Maybe what we are really doing is choosing.

Choosing not to react.

Choosing not to let one student's comment ruin an entire lesson.

Choosing professionalism when someone else is unprofessional.

Choosing tomorrow even after today was difficult.

Choosing to get out of the car on Monday morning and walk through those doors again.

Teachers shouldn’t tolerate abuse. They should have support, clear behavior policies, and administrators who respond when serious problems occur.

But while we continue advocating for better classrooms and better support systems, many teachers are still standing in front of students every day.

And sometimes, getting through that day requires a little acting.

So, I put on my imaginary robe.

I straighten it.

I walk through the door.

I teach.

And when the final bell rings, I take the robe off and remind myself:

You made it through another day without allowing someone else's behavior to change who you are.

And sometimes, that is a win.

The Great Pretender: Wearing confidence, even on the hard days.”